Day 1

I summed up what I could of yesterday before it turned into today, but here's the official "Day 1" post.

My friend ended up coming over after his shift so I could give him a fingerboard (+ obstacle) and a bong. He rolled his ankle on Go Skateboarding Day (June 21st) so he'll be out of the game for a bit, and I thought fingerboarding might be a good filler! And he smokes, so the piece was also appreciated, plus that's one less distraction! We did end up finishing off the last of my pot, so...

• Pot Consumption 
• I did smoke, however it was a pitiful amount, only to finish off my stash and share a moment with a friend. 
• Schedule
•  I rolled out of bed around 10:30 for work at 11:00, but was pretty much awake since 7:30. After work, I came home, wasted time, started studying, wrote on my blog, ran and studied/wasted time until around 11:30 when my friend showed. After my friend left, I got distracted on the internet and couldn't fall asleep until 2:00 AM.
• Diet
• For breakfast, I ate an English muffin with butter, accompanied by water and coffee. For lunch I ate half of a BBQ chicken flatbread, with a coke. For dinner I ate a sauteed breaded chicken breast (in olive oil) and broccoli with a coke. Got a late night snack of 3 small oatmeal cream pies and water.
• Exercise
• I ran a little over 2.5 miles yesterday in around 22 minutes, not including warm-up, stretching or cool-down. Forgot to stretch, and I'm paying for it as I write.
• Language
• I'm changing this section to language rather than swearing, because I'd not only like to curb the curse words, but I'd like to be expanding my vocabulary and applying it accordingly. With that said, yesterday was a terrible day in terms of swearing, but my "speak" was intelligent and I applied a good bit of vocab. 

That sums up Day 1 (day listed and posted about is always "yesterday")! I think I'm also going to incorporate a score for each day, as well as an average, to assess my progress numerically. 

Today's Score: 6/10

Average: 6/10

Peace

Honesty

I need to be honest with myself. I'm not sure I have been completely honest with myself in over 4 years, and I can't progress any further in life without doing so. Part of me hopes this isn't the last post on this blog, but the other part wishes that it will be.

I started smoking pot in the Fall of 2010 during my Freshman year at Appalachian State University. I was nervous at first, being a naive high school graduate, but I have since come to love Mary Jane. Initially, it was a group thing. My friends and I would all go out and smoke fairly frequently (as in a couple times a week) but it was never an outrageous amount. As time passed, I became comfortable smoking alone, and began to do so more often in between the large smoke sessions.

Now I am saying this for the first time in my life, and standing behind it. My pot smoking habits got out of control Sophomore year. I smoked every single day, often wasting away an entire day doing fun, but pointless and unproductive shit. Junior year worsened when I moved off-campus and began to smoke "all day, erryday" with friends that had dropped out or just didn't give a fuck about school. That's when my life crashed like the stock market.

Fast forward to the present. I was supposed to graduate this past May, I'm currently on a 6 year plan, and I'm failing Organic Chemistry. Again. I have now seen myself to the door with 2 major universities, and I don't know what to do. More on this later.

Not only is my college career utterly fucked up, my once amazing relationship with my ex has, obviously, ended. On 4/20, we both agreed to end it based on my love for marijuana, fucking up, immaturity and the general "growing apart". We still care about each other, still talk, still fuck, but the actual intimate relationship is gone. For the first time since October of 2009, I am single. While there are things that still bother me about her (and vice versa), I can't help but wonder what things would have been like if I had graduated from ASU on time, with her.

That's the nutshell.

With that being said, I need to make changes. More importantly, I need to stop saying I'll make changes, and actually make them. And I need to be honest. So here it goes...

Pot has decreased my already low motivation and drive. I now keep an untidy room, an unorganized life and signs of it all; like the return that's been hanging on the back of my door for months. Or any other number of things that lie around, waiting to be done, never to even be thought of. Why? I'm always fucking high.

For a while, every waking moment was spent in some sort of "high". If I wasn't still coming down from the 4 blunts smoked at 3 AM the morning before, I was sparking a bowl on my way to class... then packing a bong before lab. Straight after I roll blunts with friends, get dinner and return home way after dark only to do it again the next day.

As I'm sure you can gather, a lifestyle like that isn't conducive to anything but smoking pot and... oh yeah, smoking more pot.

So here I am. Dankrupt, broke, and currently digging my life a remarkably deep hole from which I might narrowly escape. My only hope is to quit smoking weed, and make serious changes. The scary part, is I don't know how to make changes. A lack of THC in my bloodstream won't magically turn me into a straight-A, workaholic genius, but it just might help with motivation. I'm praying that's the key, here.

I make lists, but they get thrown out or forgotten about. I found a list today of things I wanted to change over a year ago. Obviously, that worked well. But I have an idea. I let this blog sit for a year, and I truly lost some sanity in the process. I can promise you I have many friends, multiple support "circles" and people, but what works best for me is just writing my thoughts down. Thankfully, I can type as fast as my thoughts come out (except for when I'm high... research shows increased brain activity under THC). So my goal, yes, an actual goal, is to update this blog erryday with the changes I'm making, or failing to make. At least, I will have piece of mind from writing, and a documented source as to why I'm failing or succeeding in what I want to accomplish.

Some things I want to address:

• Pot consumption (or lack thereof)
• My schedule (including hours slept)
• Diet (food and drink)
• Exercise
• Swearing (I sound like I'm off of Trailer Park Boys)

I don't enjoy editing posts, as I feel that's a way of cheating almost (time-stamped blah blah blah) but I'm sure I will cover more stuff as well. 

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Since I forgot to post this, I'll go ahead and update you for today (as of right now)

I haven't smoked today (partly because I'm dry), but may use up the last little pinch before bed. It's a well-documented fact that pot helps you sleep. It's also a well-known fact among potheads that quitting cold turkey is a great recipe for a hard time falling asleep... and crazy vivid dreams.

As for my schedule, I didn't roll out of bed until 10:30 for work at 11:00, but I did manage to wake up around 7:30. After work, I came home, wasted time, started studying, wrote this post, ran and here I am about to study more. I plan to be in bed by 12:00 and up at 7:00 for my 8:00 exam. 

For breakfast, I ate an English muffin with butter, accompanied by water and coffee. For lunch I ate half of a BBQ chicken flatbread, with a coke. For dinner I ate a sauteed breaded chicken breast (in olive oil) and broccoli with a coke. I'm drinking water now. Who knows what I'll grab for a snack later...

I ran seriously for the first time in... 4 years? Highschool was the very last time I think I ever committed to a "run". I ran 2.5 miles in roughly 20 minutes, warm-up and cool-down not included. I also stretched between the warm-up and run, but forgot to stretch after cool-down (soreness, i.e. lactic acid, here I come). 

Swearing was out the roof today. I worked (F bombs all day, from all staff), and wasn't conscious of it earlier.

Day 0.75 complete.

Where Are you?

Besides the fact that this blog was intended for writing while high, I will not be under the influence for this post. The reason being, I smoked last night and began to think a lot about some pretty serious shit. (To be fair, what else am I to do when in the solitude of my room?) But I didn't want to butcher or misinterpret my own thoughts, so I am writing about them in a sober state of mind.

I'll start things off by saying I went to the G-Eazy concert! (This is relevant, I swear.) It was absolutely rad, and I had the greatest time. Not to mention, we almost bumped into him (literally) walking past him on the street! Now, if you've ever listened to his music, you'd understand that he's like a lot of other people in my age range (he's 23): he struggled through college while also trying to pursue his career in the music industry. He knows what it's like to be broke. He smokes pot. In essence, he's the same as every other guy trying to enjoy life and live out his dream while somehow making money to support it. I can relate to this. If you haven't noticed, I'm in school, I like smoking pot, I'm broke as fuck, and I, too, am trying to find a way to support myself beyond a measly $30/week for cutting my parents' grass. Keep all this in mind as I flow into this next bit.

G-Eazy is also frequently rapping about girls. It's rare to find a song without at least a line describing his situation and yearnings. I find it hard to tell exactly what he's looking for, but it seems that he loves hooking up with groupies, but wants a steady relationship at the same time. To be honest, who could blame him? But this is where I come in...

I love my girlfriend. And when I say "love", I mean it in the most sincere and deepest way possible. I truly love her. Now I know you must be wondering where this is going. But, (there it is!) I can't help but wonder sometimes if maybe we aren't as compatible as we once were or at least thought we were. And this is where G-Eazy comes in. She doesn't really like any music I listen to and as you can imagine, I feel the same about hers. And you might be wondering why in the hell I'm making such a big deal about music. Specifically, because my music is me. To be more specific G-Eazy is my idol, and his music is my anthem. I want to be just like him, and have the same freedom to hook up with whoever I want. That aside, she doesn't really care for the fact that I smoke pot, and she doesn't want a damn thing to do with it. I'm laid back, letting life come as it will, trying to enjoy every bit of it and she's always stressing and finding everything wrong with life. It kills me when she's stressing over things she can't control, or finding the negative in beautiful spaces (that's a play on Seether's album). It just seems that we are different on so many levels. Shit, we are of vastly different Christian denominations, and on opposite ends of the political spectrum.

But as a realistic optimist, I'm always seeing the positives in our relationship. Fuck. I just let the cursor blink for minutes, thinking of something we have in common, other than the running that I don't even do anymore. Sometimes I love weed for allowing me to see things from an entirely fresh perspective, but sometimes I fucking hate it. If I hadn't baked to G-Eazy I wouldn't even be writing this right now. Fuck.

I just want a girl that would bake with me, learn to skate with me, listen to music with me, agree with me and fuck me like there's no tomorrow. A girl to be the hip to my hop, the green to my baggie, the push to my roll. I want her to love me for who I am, and what I like. Not be ashamed of my fucking t-shirt or my profile picture that deliberately state my support of the legalization and recreational use of marijuana. I've come to the conclusion that she doesn't exist. Realistically, no girl (or guy) is perfect. And neither is any relationship.

But I can't help but ponder the idea that maybe there is someone more fit for me and my girlfriend. It's a terrifying and saddening thought, but maybe it's true. Don't get me wrong, I love my girl to death and what we have is special. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But it's also all I've ever known. She is my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first everything ("awww"s are acceptable here). I don't have anything to compare it to.

I'm just going to keep spitting my thoughts here...

I've never had much game. I'm not a player, I don't have that make-girls-melt factor, and I've never possessed that "hot" factor that girls seem to be so attracted to. I'm lanky and shy. Sounds like a recipe for a night alone, right? But recently I've been receiving a bit more attention. Maybe I'm physically maturing into something more likable. Maybe more girls are starting to dig tall lanky guys like me. Maybe I'm interacting more with people I know I'll never see again, so they don't give a fuck whether I catch them looking at me. Maybe girls are desperate. Maybe I'm fucking crazy.

It's just kind of nice to get noticed, you know? When I was at the beach, three girls said they'd hook up with me. And I had a chance to, but I didn't. I didn't even think about it. I took it as a complement and kept to my drink. I was kind of shocked yet flattered (I actually, said "well thank you, I'm flattered"). That's never happened before. I never saw myself as someone that would get complements like that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't have the slightest fucking clue what's out there, or if I could ever find anything like what I have now. The grass is always greener on the other side but when you get there it's yellow and dead.

Fuck.

Return of the Pot Head

Before I do anything, please allow me apologize in advance for major typos or errors. I have switched over from a mechanical gaming keyboard to a slim, rubber dome laptop keyboard, and it sucks.

Well, I've returned from an entirely-too-long hiatus. But very unsure of how long this will even last... I'm currently commuting to a community college from home for a semester so toking in/around the house is not an easy task with a younger, middle school-age sibling in an upper-middle class suburb. With that being said, I'm slowly mastering it.

Now, I have many loopholes in my system and methods, but thus far it's functioning. Let's say it's in beta testing. Our house works under very... open-door policy. Locking interior doors just doesn't happen. Everyone sleeps with their door open etc. Kind of odd, I suppose, but it's just the way it is. Anyway, with a house like that it is hard to have privacy, so I toke at night around everyone's bed time (not mine). It minimizes contact but doesn't completely rule it out. So the everyday protocol is stealth. I've been lighting this Bath & Body Works Summer Boardwalk candle that smells like all the food that's sold on the Boardwalk (caramel, popcorn, funnel cake etc.). Don't make fun of me. It smells so good, and it's pretty strong so it covers a lot of stank. Then after like 15 minutes with the door closed or lightly cracked, my room smells like Summer Boardwalk and I prepare for the high. I go get a snack, and make my rounds of saying goodnight to ensure everyone knows to leave me alone (not to say they always will). I close my door with the candle still lit, put a towel along the door sill, and turn off the main light. (The lower light also reduces leak and skepticism.) I crack a window and  quickly take my bowl out of the smell-proof container and reseal it. I quickly pack as much as I want, but keep the bowls to true one-hitters (there's method to my madness, I swear). I use the candle to start the flame on my lighter, light the bowl and finish it in one hit. I usually hold in my hits longer to eliminate more of the smoke, and exhale through the crack in the window. When I'm done I quickly put everything back in place, remove the towel and blow out the candle (for the burning smell).

I've slowly been working on it, but I'm getting it down and making adjustments accordingly. I have yet to encounter another related human while I'm high and don't plan on it any time soon. I stay in my room and keep noise down (I'm sleeping, right? *nudge* Right?). I get to a solid [4] every time and I use so little weed (but it's Hindu Kush and kief). It's great.

So, in other news.... G-EAZY IS COMING TO MY TOWN! And I'm determined to go. All I need is someone to go with. It's only $16 (including service fees etc.) and so close! I fucking love G-Eazy and I think I missed him once already, and I'm tired of missing my favorite bands. I missed Macklemore and Aer (whose newest EP is being offered for free right now! That broke my heart. I can't miss this. He's the one rapper I want to be. He just looks like how I would want to look: good in that combed hair, jeans, a t-shirt and a leather jacket. Boss. He's got that slight don't-fuck-with-me look and air smoother than Joe Cool. He already sort of looks like me, he studied in New Orleans (parents' hood), and smokes weed. I connect with his music so much and on top of that, he writes everything and produces all of his own shit. He works harder than half these washed out excuses for rappers, and makes music better than all of their's combined. I've had dreams about meeting him and smoking with him. I guess you could say I'm a big fan. I highly suggest you check out his shit.

God damn, I am so hungry and forgot a snack tonight. Piss.

One more for the stoners in the audience (hopefully all of you). The Wizard of Floyd. You are very, very welcome. Sit back, get stoned (beforehand), grab some munchies, some good headphones and press play.

Toke on, frients!

Stoney Discoveries

Well, as any college student knows, exam week is here. I've completed two of my four. I say "completed" because I'm not entirely sure I passed the Organic Chemistry I exam. But I fucking blew my Analytical Physics exam out of the water just now. I don't know how in the fuck it happened. I really don't.

I've been struggling through physics this whole semester because I got behind and stopped doing the homework. When I went to class, I was totally lost and had no clue what my professor was even writing on the board. It should never have gotten to that point, but I've learned my lesson. (Hopefully for the last God damn time.) Anyway, I was kind of uneasy about the exam prior to taking it since I had gotten so far behind and had so much to learn/study in so little time. Because, yes, I am the poster child for Procrastination.

I told myself I'd study this morning before the exam. THIS MORNING BEFORE THE EXAM. Kids start studying weeks in advance for their exams and I study the morning of. Jesus Christ. I may need more help than anticipated. Well of course I didn't get up when I first needed to... eight o'clock rolled around before I could even motivate myself to wake up. But this is where things get weird. There was a tiny bit of green left in the bong. Oh yeah, baby, I hit that. It wasn't enough to get me "high" but it was just enough to buzz. All of a sudden I got super productive. I started instantaneously planning what I was going to do, how I was going to do it and in what order. I turned on the shower to heat up, and while it heated, I flipped on the coffee maker to make coffee while I'm in the shower! Genius. I was making use of every second I had! Then came the studying...

Before I even cracked a book, I packed Marissa (yes, that's my baby in the sexy blue) with a little bit of dank and smoked just enough to get myself to a [2]. At that moment, every physics problem became the most interesting thing! I wanted to find the acceleration of the block down the rough incline! And I did! I was so persistent that I solved every problem I had time for. I killed it. I don't know what happened, but it was awesome.

So I was thinking...

You know how I've said that being high helps living in the moment? (If I haven't, pretend.) Well let me add on to that and also say that it allows you to focus more on anything you want. Think about it. When you're high, you only focus on one thing. I happen to fall to the dark side faster than my companions, so hunger tends to be my focus. But it can be anything, right? What if I made it my school work? Hold on, I might be on to something...

I'm actually very high at this very moment. And I'm typing faster than I usually would. The thoughts are flowing easier, and I find that typing them out is no longer a chore but a pattern of muscle memory that is innate. I mean, shit, I'm sitting next to a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger from Wendy's and a half-full bong pack. But I was so focused, I continued to write.

Nom nom nom What, you think I'd mention that Jr. BC without taking a bite? You're crazy. (If you don't click that link, I'll be upset.)

I think I may have stumbled on something incredibly amazing. Seriously. I'm going to continue this high-studying and see what happens. Thought: Do I need to be high to take it? Confession: I was when I destroyed my exam this morning.

It's 4:20 somewhere...

WODCAOO

When One Door Closes, Another One Opens #canihashtagthis

Well the semester is essentially over, my fate 90% sealed. And it ain't lookin' purty.

It's happened again. Another semester started well, ended horribly. Change must occur. For starters: stop smoking so much. It's not even that I smoke so much, it's when I smoke. I get baked right after class and then it fucks up my whole day. Have fun trying to do homework coming down from a strong high, five hours later. It's got to stop. Now that my friend (who totally is the poster child for peer pressure) has a job, he isn't always around at that crucial time which is nice.

Okay, okay I know, you came here to read about weed! Well... the shit we have is grrreat!

It has a skunky, citrus-y smell and a tasty smoke. Yummy. Like, I actually want to smoke it to taste it...

In fact I'm too high to conti

Weeds

See? And you thought I'd post like one of those overly-persistent bloggers. Tsk Tsk

My damn joint just went out. Literally I picked it up 10 seconds ago. Damn it.

Anyways, I've starting watching the show Weeds and I think I'm in love. And not just with the show. I'm in love with the main character, Nancy. Hahaha She's the most badass badass and she's oddly attractive for her age. Back to my point, the show is wicked! It's probably the best stoner show ever! It's about a mom, who's husband just passed away, and trying to support herself and her children by selling weed. Sounds sketch, but it's the greatest fucking thing I've ever seen. 7 Seasons to go... and counting...

I got marvelously high off this tiny-ass, baggy-bottom shit. But when you think about it, the bottom of the bag is actually super fine and kiefy! I rolled a tiny J with a tobacco stop using the rest of what I had of Dank, and BOOM. And I think I like capitalizing strains/quality of bud. Makes it look more official.

So after watching the show a bit, I've started thinking... for the worse... I'd like to be a dealer my whole life. If it was feasible. It's definitely dangerous work (at least while it's illegal) and sometimes not a solid flow of income. Not to mention it's illegal. But if I could, I would. It's actually decent income that you really don't spend any time on. It gives you the options to do things like: pay for college, save for a car or house, just buy things you may need (there's a fine line between "need" and "want"). Plus, the people-to-people relations experience is incredible. You have to interact with soooo many types of people. Different everyday. You get good at talking to people and building a solid clientele. Game Over. You win.

If it's legal, we've embarked on an entire different planet. Three words. License. To. Grow. Regardless, you grow it anyway (NO, I do not grow) and open up a dispensary! Or will it even be called that?

dis·pen·sa·ry  

/disˈpensərē/

Noun A room where medicines are prepared and provided. A clinic provided by public or charitable funds.

Synonyms drugstore - pharmacy

 If it's not necessary to be medical, there will just be weed shops. And we'd open one. And if that didn't work out, a bakery. Scratch that. I have a better idea. And before I tell you, I'm going to High-Patent this:
It will be called "The Breakfast Joint". And the "i" in "joint" will be a joint! It will serve breakfast all day starting from like 11:00 AM to 2:00 AM or we can modify the hours based on how busy we are. And all menu items can be ordered as edibles for an added fee! Can you imagine?? I might seriously take out a small business loan if it gets legalized here! Open up three near me; one in Boone, one in Concord, and one in Charlotte. Same concept totally different feel. I would want the design and decor of the place to match it's surroundings. Each one would be different! Wouldn't that be sick to go to like a Breakfast Joint and have it feel like the mountains/rustic when you're in Boone, or the city/urban when you're in Charlotte? Dope. Too fucking cool.

I'm probably going to jail for conspiring to open a weed shop. 

I could honestly do either of those and be perfectly happy. Lots of money, tons of connections, the world at your fingertips hahah I wish.

Well that's all I can really stand right now... 

Lata, foo