Besides the fact that this blog was intended for writing while high, I will not be under the influence for this post. The reason being, I smoked last night and began to think a lot about some pretty serious shit. (To be fair, what else am I to do when in the solitude of my room?) But I didn't want to butcher or misinterpret my own thoughts, so I am writing about them in a sober state of mind.
I'll start things off by saying I went to the G-Eazy concert! (This is relevant, I swear.) It was absolutely rad, and I had the greatest time. Not to mention, we almost bumped into him (literally) walking past him on the street! Now, if you've ever listened to his music, you'd understand that he's like a lot of other people in my age range (he's 23): he struggled through college while also trying to pursue his career in the music industry. He knows what it's like to be broke. He smokes pot. In essence, he's the same as every other guy trying to enjoy life and live out his dream while somehow making money to support it. I can relate to this. If you haven't noticed, I'm in school, I like smoking pot, I'm broke as fuck, and I, too, am trying to find a way to support myself beyond a measly $30/week for cutting my parents' grass. Keep all this in mind as I flow into this next bit.
G-Eazy is also frequently rapping about girls. It's rare to find a song without at least a line describing his situation and yearnings. I find it hard to tell exactly what he's looking for, but it seems that he loves hooking up with groupies, but wants a steady relationship at the same time. To be honest, who could blame him? But this is where I come in...
I love my girlfriend. And when I say "love", I mean it in the most sincere and deepest way possible. I truly love her. Now I know you must be wondering where this is going. But, (there it is!) I can't help but wonder sometimes if maybe we aren't as compatible as we once were or at least thought we were. And this is where G-Eazy comes in. She doesn't really like any music I listen to and as you can imagine, I feel the same about hers. And you might be wondering why in the hell I'm making such a big deal about music. Specifically, because my music is me. To be more specific G-Eazy is my idol, and his music is my anthem. I want to be just like him, and have the same freedom to hook up with whoever I want. That aside, she doesn't really care for the fact that I smoke pot, and she doesn't want a damn thing to do with it. I'm laid back, letting life come as it will, trying to enjoy every bit of it and she's always stressing and finding everything wrong with life. It kills me when she's stressing over things she can't control, or finding the negative in beautiful spaces (that's a play on Seether's album). It just seems that we are different on so many levels. Shit, we are of vastly different Christian denominations, and on opposite ends of the political spectrum.
But as a realistic optimist, I'm always seeing the positives in our relationship. Fuck. I just let the cursor blink for minutes, thinking of something we have in common, other than the running that I don't even do anymore. Sometimes I love weed for allowing me to see things from an entirely fresh perspective, but sometimes I fucking hate it. If I hadn't baked to G-Eazy I wouldn't even be writing this right now. Fuck.
I just want a girl that would bake with me, learn to skate with me, listen to music with me, agree with me and fuck me like there's no tomorrow. A girl to be the hip to my hop, the green to my baggie, the push to my roll. I want her to love me for who I am, and what I like. Not be ashamed of my fucking t-shirt or my profile picture that deliberately state my support of the legalization and recreational use of marijuana. I've come to the conclusion that she doesn't exist. Realistically, no girl (or guy) is perfect. And neither is any relationship.
But I can't help but ponder the idea that maybe there is someone more fit for me and my girlfriend. It's a terrifying and saddening thought, but maybe it's true. Don't get me wrong, I love my girl to death and what we have is special. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But it's also all I've ever known. She is my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first everything ("awww"s are acceptable here). I don't have anything to compare it to.
I'm just going to keep spitting my thoughts here...
I've never had much game. I'm not a player, I don't have that make-girls-melt factor, and I've never possessed that "hot" factor that girls seem to be so attracted to. I'm lanky and shy. Sounds like a recipe for a night alone, right? But recently I've been receiving a bit more attention. Maybe I'm physically maturing into something more likable. Maybe more girls are starting to dig tall lanky guys like me. Maybe I'm interacting more with people I know I'll never see again, so they don't give a fuck whether I catch them looking at me. Maybe girls are desperate. Maybe I'm fucking crazy.
It's just kind of nice to get noticed, you know? When I was at the beach, three girls said they'd hook up with me. And I had a chance to, but I didn't. I didn't even think about it. I took it as a complement and kept to my drink. I was kind of shocked yet flattered (I actually, said "well thank you, I'm flattered"). That's never happened before. I never saw myself as someone that would get complements like that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't have the slightest fucking clue what's out there, or if I could ever find anything like what I have now. The grass is always greener on the other side but when you get there it's yellow and dead.
Fuck.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Return of the Pot Head
Before I do anything, please allow me apologize in advance for major typos or errors. I have switched over from a mechanical gaming keyboard to a slim, rubber dome laptop keyboard, and it sucks.
Well, I've returned from an entirely-too-long hiatus. But very unsure of how long this will even last... I'm currently commuting to a community college from home for a semester so toking in/around the house is not an easy task with a younger, middle school-age sibling in an upper-middle class suburb. With that being said, I'm slowly mastering it.
Now, I have many loopholes in my system and methods, but thus far it's functioning. Let's say it's in beta testing. Our house works under very... open-door policy. Locking interior doors just doesn't happen. Everyone sleeps with their door open etc. Kind of odd, I suppose, but it's just the way it is. Anyway, with a house like that it is hard to have privacy, so I toke at night around everyone's bed time (not mine). It minimizes contact but doesn't completely rule it out. So the everyday protocol is stealth. I've been lighting this Bath & Body Works Summer Boardwalk candle that smells like all the food that's sold on the Boardwalk (caramel, popcorn, funnel cake etc.). Don't make fun of me. It smells so good, and it's pretty strong so it covers a lot of stank. Then after like 15 minutes with the door closed or lightly cracked, my room smells like Summer Boardwalk and I prepare for the high. I go get a snack, and make my rounds of saying goodnight to ensure everyone knows to leave me alone (not to say they always will). I close my door with the candle still lit, put a towel along the door sill, and turn off the main light. (The lower light also reduces leak and skepticism.) I crack a window and quickly take my bowl out of the smell-proof container and reseal it. I quickly pack as much as I want, but keep the bowls to true one-hitters (there's method to my madness, I swear). I use the candle to start the flame on my lighter, light the bowl and finish it in one hit. I usually hold in my hits longer to eliminate more of the smoke, and exhale through the crack in the window. When I'm done I quickly put everything back in place, remove the towel and blow out the candle (for the burning smell).
I've slowly been working on it, but I'm getting it down and making adjustments accordingly. I have yet to encounter another related human while I'm high and don't plan on it any time soon. I stay in my room and keep noise down (I'm sleeping, right? *nudge* Right?). I get to a solid [4] every time and I use so little weed (but it's Hindu Kush and kief). It's great.
So, in other news.... G-EAZY IS COMING TO MY TOWN! And I'm determined to go. All I need is someone to go with. It's only $16 (including service fees etc.) and so close! I fucking love G-Eazy and I think I missed him once already, and I'm tired of missing my favorite bands. I missed Macklemore and Aer (whose newest EP is being offered for free right now! That broke my heart. I can't miss this. He's the one rapper I want to be. He just looks like how I would want to look: good in that combed hair, jeans, a t-shirt and a leather jacket. Boss. He's got that slight don't-fuck-with-me look and air smoother than Joe Cool. He already sort of looks like me, he studied in New Orleans (parents' hood), and smokes weed. I connect with his music so much and on top of that, he writes everything and produces all of his own shit. He works harder than half these washed out excuses for rappers, and makes music better than all of their's combined. I've had dreams about meeting him and smoking with him. I guess you could say I'm a big fan. I highly suggest you check out his shit.
God damn, I am so hungry and forgot a snack tonight. Piss.
One more for the stoners in the audience (hopefully all of you). The Wizard of Floyd. You are very, very welcome. Sit back, get stoned (beforehand), grab some munchies, some good headphones and press play.
Toke on, frients!
Well, I've returned from an entirely-too-long hiatus. But very unsure of how long this will even last... I'm currently commuting to a community college from home for a semester so toking in/around the house is not an easy task with a younger, middle school-age sibling in an upper-middle class suburb. With that being said, I'm slowly mastering it.
Now, I have many loopholes in my system and methods, but thus far it's functioning. Let's say it's in beta testing. Our house works under very... open-door policy. Locking interior doors just doesn't happen. Everyone sleeps with their door open etc. Kind of odd, I suppose, but it's just the way it is. Anyway, with a house like that it is hard to have privacy, so I toke at night around everyone's bed time (not mine). It minimizes contact but doesn't completely rule it out. So the everyday protocol is stealth. I've been lighting this Bath & Body Works Summer Boardwalk candle that smells like all the food that's sold on the Boardwalk (caramel, popcorn, funnel cake etc.). Don't make fun of me. It smells so good, and it's pretty strong so it covers a lot of stank. Then after like 15 minutes with the door closed or lightly cracked, my room smells like Summer Boardwalk and I prepare for the high. I go get a snack, and make my rounds of saying goodnight to ensure everyone knows to leave me alone (not to say they always will). I close my door with the candle still lit, put a towel along the door sill, and turn off the main light. (The lower light also reduces leak and skepticism.) I crack a window and quickly take my bowl out of the smell-proof container and reseal it. I quickly pack as much as I want, but keep the bowls to true one-hitters (there's method to my madness, I swear). I use the candle to start the flame on my lighter, light the bowl and finish it in one hit. I usually hold in my hits longer to eliminate more of the smoke, and exhale through the crack in the window. When I'm done I quickly put everything back in place, remove the towel and blow out the candle (for the burning smell).
I've slowly been working on it, but I'm getting it down and making adjustments accordingly. I have yet to encounter another related human while I'm high and don't plan on it any time soon. I stay in my room and keep noise down (I'm sleeping, right? *nudge* Right?). I get to a solid [4] every time and I use so little weed (but it's Hindu Kush and kief). It's great.
So, in other news.... G-EAZY IS COMING TO MY TOWN! And I'm determined to go. All I need is someone to go with. It's only $16 (including service fees etc.) and so close! I fucking love G-Eazy and I think I missed him once already, and I'm tired of missing my favorite bands. I missed Macklemore and Aer (whose newest EP is being offered for free right now! That broke my heart. I can't miss this. He's the one rapper I want to be. He just looks like how I would want to look: good in that combed hair, jeans, a t-shirt and a leather jacket. Boss. He's got that slight don't-fuck-with-me look and air smoother than Joe Cool. He already sort of looks like me, he studied in New Orleans (parents' hood), and smokes weed. I connect with his music so much and on top of that, he writes everything and produces all of his own shit. He works harder than half these washed out excuses for rappers, and makes music better than all of their's combined. I've had dreams about meeting him and smoking with him. I guess you could say I'm a big fan. I highly suggest you check out his shit.
God damn, I am so hungry and forgot a snack tonight. Piss.
One more for the stoners in the audience (hopefully all of you). The Wizard of Floyd. You are very, very welcome. Sit back, get stoned (beforehand), grab some munchies, some good headphones and press play.
Toke on, frients!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)